One week down! It has begun!
I am five days into my first school year as a teacher assuming control of my own class. All of my insecurities, all of my doubts, all of my fears, worries, and questions have been wiped away. I absolutely love what I'm doing! There is no doubt in my mind that I'm in the right profession. I didn't leave school on the first day saying, "What did I get myself into?!" I left a little exhausted, but very excited about the year and the boys. Now, I'm a realist...I know there will be times when I'll feel empty from pouring everything out and there will be hard situations that I will have to face, but I know deep down that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
There is so much to teaching that people who have never been in charge of a class would never realize. You have to constantly think on your feet and strategize. If I just tell the boys, "go to your cubbies and get your math book!" then I've lost control for 15 minutes. I've learned to release the boys by which row their cubby is on so that they won't be climbing on top of each other and so that there won't be a huge traffic jam at the cubbies. I also have to be careful about how/how often I answer questions and what type of questions I allow to be asked. I have boys who may as well just sit there with their hand up all the time because they ALWAYS have questions. I also have boys who will just ask random questions and throw everyone off topic. I have to make a decision about whether I am going to answer any questions while I'm giving directions, in the middle of the lesson, etc., and this is a tough decision because sometimes the boys ask really good questions that may help their classmates. These are just a few examples of the things that I always have to be thinking about, and you know what? I love it. I love this constant challenge...that I am not allowed to be mentally lazy at any point during my day. I had to check a Math multiplication fact quiz orally and completely off the top of my head on Friday. It was easy, but still involved a little bit of mental sweat to just go through and call out all of those facts on the spot.
Like I said before, I love all of my boys and am so excited about all of them. I'm not just saying this...it takes a lot for me to dislike a student. I can always find something likeable in children, even if they annoy me. I have been pretty harsh with these boys because...that's the only way to maintain order and my sanity and deep down, the boys appreciate this. Children crave structure even though they'll never admit it. They need structure and routine, and they need adults in their life who will hold them accountable and hold them to high standards while still loving them. It made me feel good to have a parent tell me that her son is really enjoying my class. He told her that he really liked that I took the time to welcome them to my room and tell them "Good Morning!" and that I was glad they were there. Just the fact that those little things meant that much to him made me so happy and makes me always want to make these boys feel special. A good parent disciplines their children out of love and that's exactly what I'm doing with these boys.
Just as a sidenote, I'm already racking up cute stories. On Wednesday after recess, the boys were bouncing off the walls. I told them to all close their eyes and relax. I started talking in a very soothing voice and said, "You're on a beach...." and what did they do? Started yelling, "THERE'S A SHARK!" and "I'm getting sunburned!" Only 10-11 year old boys would go in that direction. It's also just really funny to look at the kind of power I have over them as an authority figure. When they line up and are all chatty, I'll just stand there and stare at them (I hate yelling, so I instill control silently) and pretty soon they'll all start smacking each other and saying, "SSHH! SHE'S LOOKING!" Ahahahaha I love it!
Anyway, I have a lot of grading and planning to do. I also have some napping that needs to be done as well. I'm very excited about this week and weekend! Parent's night is Thursday, I'm headed back to La Grange on Friday for the fair, and Sunday the Ags are going to beat the hell outta SMU!
That is all for now. I want to end with expressing my sincere and utter sadness over the losses of Amber, Brandon, and Tonia. Although I wasn't close to any of them, I grew up with all three of them since Kindergarten. They were very good people and they were taken too soon, but they are having a blast in Heaven right now! My prayers and condolences go to all of their families and friends.
