Well, as promised, I am going to attempt to record some of the "things 5th grade boys say" for your reading pleasure. Please take note that I have found these things funny because I saw them firsthand, and witnessed some necessary facial expressions/tones of voice that were, perhaps, what made the situation so funny. That being said, I will try to set the scenes very clearly by leaving no detail behind.
**All names have been changed to protect the privacy of my little knucklehead boys
The Vomiter
So I'm standing in the front of the room in the middle of a math lesson, when one of the boys gets up and starts walking to the door. He walks right in front of me and I say, "Reagan, what are you doing? You can't just walk out of the room during the lesson!"
He stops, casually removes his hand from his mouth and says with a lisp and his mouth half full, "I vomited."
Most of the hilarity was in how casual he was about the whole thing...and that he said vomited.
The Breakdancer
When the boys have more than one test during a morning block or they've just been working really hard on something, I reward them with a "brain break", which is basically a 5-10 minute dance party. I'll play anything from Deadmau5 to Skrillex to the Beach Boys to Footloose...just depends on the mood. I've seen a lot of funny dance moves, but the best was when I looked over to find my most squirrelly boy break dancing in the middle of the room. I'm talking spinning on his head and everything. The next time I looked over, one of the boys was holding him up by his ankles. Of course I put a stop to it, but I was dying.
The Neckties
On Monday through Thursday, the boys wear navy polo shirts and khaki slacks or shorts as their uniform. On Fridays, they wear light blue button-down shirts with a navy blue necktie and khakis. Early on in the year, when they actually remembered to wear their Friday uniforms, they would always set a funny scene in chapel. (For those who don't know, St. Thomas has a 30 minute chapel service every day that the entire school goes to. It's pretty old school, and I love it, but the boys get pretty bored most of the time.) The ties become a pretty good source of entertainment. One time in particular, I was standing at the end of a pew and looked down the pew to find that all of the boys had their ties in different positions: one had tied his into a bow, another had wound his into a flower shape, while another had wrapped his around his neck, and the last one was chewing on his. Oh, and one of them had tucked his ears inside themselves. They all turned and looked up at me in unison like little puppy dogs. I lost it.
Mnemonic Devices
One day, post recess, we made our obligatory bathroom and water breaks after coming in from the playground. Two of the boys had been in the bathroom for a while, so I asked another boy to go check and see if they were being silly or if they were taking care of business. He came back and announced, "They're pooping." Upon hearing this, one of the other boys piped up and said, "Yeah, when I was in there, they were just sitting on the toilet discussing mnemonic devices."
Seriously, you can't make this stuff up.
Monster Dump
Along that same subject...I mean, I could write volumes about poop and fart stories....there was another funny bathroom incident. I always let them go to the bathroom right after recess. For those not used to children, a lot of them have to poop about 45 minutes after eating a meal. I didn't make that up, my student teaching adviser told me that, and she was so right. Some of them are like clockwork. Anyway, they were all using the bathroom after recess, and they kept coming in and whispering about something. When I listened closely, I heard things like, "I tried flushing three times!" and "I've never seen one that big!". My fears were confirmed when one of the more obnoxious boys came in and said, "Who did that, and what did you eat??????" Apparently, someone had done some damage, and the damage would not flush. I may be considered a grown up, but poop still makes me laugh, and I laughed. Very hard.
I'm thinking of more and more funny things as I type, which leads me to think that I should write these in parts. Hold on to your pants because I WILL keep up with this and entertain you with more disgusting and entertaining 5th grade boy-isms.
