There is a boy in my class this year who is special. Special meaning different, special meaning challenging, special meaning -- amazing. I want to talk about my experience with him from start to present, and how he is changing my outlook on teaching, and I'm going to do so with a song. The lyrics to the song "My Own Little World" my Matthew West have a lot to do with the reason my heart has softened toward this boy.
Here is the video if you want to listen to the song before reading:
In my own little world it hardly ever rains. I've never gone hungry, always felt safe. I've got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet. In my own little world, population: me.
When I came into teaching in a private school, I had a lot of preconceived notions. After growing up in public school and doing all of my college experiences in public school, I knew about challenging kids and "different" kids and needy kids. When I got hired at St. Thomas', I thought, "Wow! I'm going to have the cream of the crop! Of course some of the boys will have their own little issues, but nothing too big."
You see, I've never had a strong desire to help low functioning students. That may sound callous, but my passion is for the content I'm teaching. I am good at breaking concepts down for the students and explaining things in different ways, but I do not have an innate desire for helping children with special needs. This is why teaching at a private school would be perfect for me -- more of a focus on content and less on ARDs, behavior intervention plans, modifications, etc.
So last year, my first year at STE, I had a group of extremely bright boys with a few lower functioning students mixed in. The lowest boy in the class had no social issues, so his main problem was academics. I struggled with him quite a bit, but I could at least count on him to get along with his classmates.
Fast forward to this year: I have twenty seven boys, five of whom are new, and one of whom is very, VERY behind socially, and has anxiety issues which affect his academics. I found out about these issues gradually. I started noticing some outbursts in class, awkward interactions with the boys, and a lot of tears. It wasn't until around the fifth week that I received official information on him and his special needs.
My first thoughts: What the heck?! Why was this boy allowed in to the school? We shouldn't be taking kids like him! I've got enough on my plate being a self-contained (teaching all subjects) teacher with 27 boys...how could they let in a boy with special needs?
Part of my reaction was justified. Our school simply is not as equipped as other schools to handle children with special needs. We don't have FOCUS mentors like public school does, nor do we have specialized counselors.......
Most of my reaction was selfish.
What if there's a bigger picture? What if I'm missing out? What if there's a greater purpose that I could be living right now? Outside my own little world......
I talked things over with my mom, and she told me a story about a boy that she almost taught in Orange. She said that she knew about him, and had heard he was trouble. Her principal wanted to place him in her class, but I was a newborn, and my brothers were little -- she had a lot on her plate. She asked the principal to please place him in a different class, and he did. That year, the boy moved into a dilapidated trailer near my family's house. She noticed he was alone most of the time and invited him to play with Mark and Pat in the afternoons. The worst part of the situation was what she saw at school. When she looked out her window across at his classroom, she would periodically see his teacher pull him outside and berate him while his classmates looked on through the window and laughed.
She said she never forgave herself for pushing that boy off on someone else, and wanted me to consider how another teacher could possibly treat my boy if I pushed him away.
Stopped at a red light, looked out my window. I saw a cardboard sign that said, "Help this homeless widow." And just above that sign was the face of a human. I thought to myself, "God, what have I been doin?
So after I found out all of the information I could on my boy, I scheduled a conference with his mother and our head of lower school. The point of the meeting? We need to see change in two weeks or else.... well, you know where I'm going with that. Or else he's out. Or else he's someone else's problem.
I was prepared to be concise in the meeting. I was prepared to be strict and straightforward, and I was not prepared to budge. I mean, this woman withheld information about her son to get him into the school! How dare she!!! They should be punished!!
So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye. Oh, how many times have I just passed her by? I gave her some money then I drove on through and my own little world reached population: two.
As you would probably guess, that is not how the meeting went. His mother's nerves were enough to soften my demeanor. As we discussed his problem areas, his therapist, who joined us for the meeting, provided a huge deal of insight on the boy as well as how I can help him. The tips she gave me were not time consuming nor labor intensive -- they were simple, quick ways to help him in the moment.
God was working on my heart.
What if there's a bigger picture? What if I'm missing out? What if there's a greater purpose that I could be living right now? Outside my own little world......
My whole demeanor towards this boy changed after that meeting. Once I stopped seeing him as a nuisance, a waste of time, a whiny baby, someone who shouldn't be at this school, and started seeing him as a boy -- a little boy with some issues that he needs help fixing...a little boy who God obviously put in my life for a reason -- my whole persona changed.
And guess what happened? He changed. He became more receptive to me. He didn't get mad at me when I tried to help him in class. He talked to me more. He smiled more!
And guess what else happened? The other boys noticed. They started playing with him more and including him more at recess. They started listening to him more. They changed because I changed.
Father, break my heart for what breaks yours. Give me open hands and open doors. Put your light in my eyes and let me see that my own little world is not about me.
God opened my eyes. He reminded me that it is not about me -- it's never about me. My mission on earth is to serve others and to bring God glory in the process. What am I doing by turning my back on one of his own? And a child nonetheless! I'm certainly not fulfilling my mission.
It is still a process. My boy still struggles socially and it will be a hard year for him, but thanks to the encouragement of my family and fellow teachers -- and, ultimately, God -- he has a special place in my heart. I pray that God continues to soften my heart and helps me to love all of my students, regardless of whatever issues they may have.
